Paysite Review.

Fart Hammer

Fart Hammer

Review date: 14-Oct-2017 06:39. Once again, our cackling cameraman Sanchez is on the prowl and attempting to lure unsuspecting cuties into dastardly deeds, or so we’re made to believe. This time the stud horse is known as Anthony, and he’s a musician. Sometimes he’s an overly sensitive park-bench busker; sometimes he’s a belligerent drunk British rock star with too much lipstick.

  • Content quality
     of 25
    16.8 of 25
  • Content quantity
     of 25
    16.6 of 25
  • Design and usability
     of 20
    12.7 of 20
  • Originality
     of 10
    6.3 of 10
  • Reviewer's rating
     of 20
    13.0 of 20

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Fart Hammer

Intro promises:
Whatever the trick, he manages to pick up one or more girls for whom he plays a little song or two. But he has a little problem: a rather explosive set of bowels. Yes, that’s right: he finds them, he fucks them, and he farts on them. Now lest you think this is yet another step in the extreme direction so much “reality porn” has taken, this is not part of some elaborate humiliation ritual: there’s no slapping or spitting here, or calling the girls nasty names. No no. This, my friends, is pure, unadulterated, 13-year-old humor.

What cripples this site is the same thing that makes the whole series problematic: Sanchez thinks he’s funny. In most instances, he simply breaks the mood with his inane comments and clearly makes the girls uncomfortable. He rushes the stripping, asks girls if he can “have a little squeeze,” and worst of all, giggles madly at inappropriate moments. The sex is fairly routine (though a scene with four girls in a pool in “Mallrats” is very interesting), and as usual, Sanchez focuses too much on crotch close-ups and not enough on faces and reactions. It’s hard to get into the sex much, since the goings-on are just so silly. What saves this site, though, is that Anthony the Hammer is genuinely funny. In “Mr. Sensitive,” he plays a sappy virginal musician who is awestruck by a gorgeous buxom brunette. “You were like a freight train,” he tells her, “and I was papier mache trapped underneath your mighty wheels. I was like a microbe, and you were the scientist looking down at me through your magnified lens. And I knew at that moment that you were the one for me.” The young lady graciously agrees to take his virginity, and as she sucks his cock, he proclaims, “All of a sudden I’m seeing rainbows and acorns.” In “Star Struck,” he approximates quite well a boisterous Mick Jagger type, pouring liquor over himself and extemporizing ridiculous rock songs on the spot with his trusty guitar, Janis. At times the humor gets downright offensive, as in “Happy Unbirthday,” in which Anthony portrays, with frightening accuracy, Sanchez’s retarded nephew, complete with helmet, palsied hands, and red suspenders. The birthday party, involving two strippers, only gets weirder from there. (“I’m happy! I’m happy!” he bleats as he slaps his hard-on through his high-waist shorts.)

No matter the character, though, the episode always culminates in a big load in the face and the Hammer following it up with a pungent blast and the insipid exclamation, “Farthammer style!” In point of fact, I think the site would be hotter and more entertaining if the flatulence weren’t at the center of it – the characters and the comedy are enough to carry it, and perhaps porn viewers should be given more credit than to be plied with fart jokes. And anyway, who really wants their sex interrupted by shits and giggles? Well, maybe some people do.

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